And we're back! So much has happened since I last imparted my wisdom upon the world, and there's still plenty going on. So rather than dwell on what's already passed, let's just get into the now, shall we?

As Northern California finds itself aflame, the entire nation is burning with rage over fuel prices that continue to rise. It's getting to the point where people can't afford the gas to torch the homes they bought with their subprime mortgage loans. It's not just the consumers that are having trouble - the country's largest mortgage providers, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, are nearing financial collapse as well. One would think that with obesity in America being the problem that it is, Fannie Mae could take advantage of the situation and sell more chocolates in their stores across the nation, but Freddie Mac will most likely have to try and borrow some cash from his brother, comedian Bernie Mac.

On the topic of African-American comedians, Jesse Jackson got big laughs this week when he expressed his desire to remove the testicles from likely Democratic Presidential Nominee Barack Obama. Apparently, Rev. Jackson misunderstood when people rallied to bring back the Sopranos. Perhaps Rev. Jackson can offer his assistance to Olympic swimmer Eric Shanteau, who was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer. Or maybe Jackson should aim his scissors at McCain campaign economic advisor and former senator Phil Gramm, who told the Washington Times this week that the United States was only in a “mental recession” and that it had become a “nation of whiners.” In Gramm's defense, however, he may have been following the lead of Senator McCain who had said recently that expansion of offshore oil drilling might have a “psychological” benefit for the country. And I think McCain has a point because I can't begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I've had wondering how Exxon Mobil executives will manage to get by on a pittance of $40 billion in profits. Maybe Sally Struthers can do an infomercial to end their plight.

But all this hubbub is justifiably being overshadowed by the most important crisis currently being faced by America . . . the status of the relationship between Madonna and Alex Rodriguez. It shouldn't come as a surprise that Madonna is into A-Rod, since so many other rods have been into Madonna. It's almost enough to make you nostalgic for simpler times . . . back when celebutants were raising awareness of America's shortage of panties.

At this point, you may be wondering how you can help raise awareness of what're really important. Well, you can start by gathering your friends and carpooling to hear more of my ramblings on Tuesday, August 5th, when I perform as part of the “Crazy Cindy Show” in the Comedy Store's Belly Room (8433 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 323-650-6268)! The show starts at 8:00PM and they’ll let you in for free if you get there before 8:00PM. After 8 o'clock, it's just ten bucks. Y'know, because being on time isn't really it's own reward.

See you on the 5th!

Vaya con Carne –

Your pal David