The folks on the mailing list may already have read this (another reason you should sign up for the mailing list ASAP) so here's a little "2003 Year in Review" for you to ponder as you make plans to catch my next show at The Improv 8162 Melrose Ave. Los Angeles, CA 323-651-2583 at 8:00PM on Sunday, January 11th!

Twas the day after New Year's,
That's right, I said "Twas."
I was reading `bout stars,
Who got nabbed by the fuzz.

Their numbers were many,
All throughout the year.
Getting busted for Vicodin,
Roofies and beers.

Courtney and Kobe,
Charged with acts quite revolting;
But the scariest mug shots,
Were Jacko and Nolte.

Diana Ross found,
She could not drive Supremely;
In fact she was charged,
With drunk driving extremely!

And so was Glen Campbell,
The Rhinestone Cowboy.
Busted for driving drunk,
And kicking cops in the groin.

Tom Sizemore was caught,
Beating up Heidi Fleiss.
And then Christian Slater,
Got beaned by his wife.

She opened his head,
with a tossed drinking glass.
But he didn't press charges.
What a guy, now that's class!

And Martha got busted,
For insider trading.
R. Kelly engaged,
In more underaged dating.

Pete Townshend downloaded,
Nude pictures of kids.
Mike Gordon of Phish,
Took his own pix - he did!

But he did it, he said,
With the kid's folks' ok.
Who got busted for heroin?
Silent Bob's best friend Jay.

Jay went on the lam,
'Cause withdraw'l made him twitchy.
Also busted for smack,
"Simple Life's" Nicole Ritchie.

The band Great White started,
A fire and riot.
And Weiland shot smack;
Oh, that Stone Temple Pilot.

And Steve-O from Jackass,
Was picked up in Sweden.
For ingesting a condom,
That he'd stashed his weed in.

And speaking of weed,
How about Tommy Chong?
He got sent to the slammer,
For selling glass bongs.

And we can't forget Rush,
That republican mountain,
He got help from his maid,
Who got him Oxycontin.

Phil Spector was nuts,
But made studio magic.
Then he shot Lana Clarkson;
An actress.  How tragic!

Coldplay's Chris Martin,
With his "Make Trade Fair" spiel,
Was busted for smashing,
A paparazzo's windshield.

Oh the many arrests,
Of that cat Bobby Brown,
Skipped his court date, smoked pot,
And slapped Whitney around.

Lou Rawls proved that he's,
Much more singer than actor.
When accused by his girlfriend,
Who said that he smacked her.

Looking back on this past year,
It must have been rough,
For all the celebs,
Who were placed in handcuffs.

But there's no need to worry,
We'll have many more,
Celebrity busts,
In two thousand and four!

Happy New Year!


See you on Friday!

Vaya con Carne –

Your pal David