The phrase "Funny Jew in 2002" has been retired. The following is a comedic essay designed to draw your attention to the next comedy show featuring David Robinson. He'll be performing at Dorscia - where Luna Park used to be before Moomba and possibly something else in the middle used to be - at 665 N. Robertson Blvd.,West Hollywood, CA,310-652-6364, just south of Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood. The show is next Tuesday, January 14th beginning at 8:00PM, but you should get there early enough to get a parking spot. 7:30 should do. It pretty much says the same thing below, but it's much funnier down there and it takes longer to read. Did I mention that it's much funnier than this, the short form?$674 Billion dollars. Six-hundred seventy-four b-i-l-l-i-o-n dollars. Spread out over ten years (shouldn’t someone have explained the concept of the four-year term to W. by this point?) that’s still a whole fistful of mazuma, if you catch my 1960’s borscht belt slang reference. But given George W. Bush’s approval rating, we gotta figure he was one sharp businessman – especially if the Supreme freakin’ Court thought he’d make a good President of the U.S.A., right? Enron? Texas Rangers? Hmm. . . As a wiser man than W. once said, “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. . .” But just before you start unfurling your “Nader in 2004” banners (because, really, is it looking like the Democrats are putting up any serious contenders thus far?) allow me to predict that George Bush will win the next Presidential election on the basis of a series of late night infomercials that will inform the troubled late night television viewers how they can get “As RICH As They Wanna Be!” in “Five Easy Steps!” You’re probably thinking that late night television viewers could give a rat’s ass about some B.S. moneymaking scheme that’s advertised several hours after most other stations broadcast the National Anthem, but you’d be way off the mark on that one, buck-o. See, this is where Perot went wrong. Prime time, baby. The people want their “E.R.” They want their “Webster.” They don’t seem to want their “Cop Rock,” but “Manimal” is just fine by them. If you don’t think this is one pitiful group of people yet, think about all the other things that are advertised via the late night infomercial: Weight loss potions; acne cures; hair removal crèmes, sprays and devices; truck driving academies; degrees in gun repair, TV/VCR repair and dental assistance; extreme cleaning supplies; super-tools; assorted cookware and newfangled exercise equipment featuring the latest fitness-technological advancements that our TV stars of the 70s and 80s have been able to discover as of yet. Now does it seem like such a stretch that this bunch of tubby, zit-faced, hairy, truck drivin’, TV/VCR and gun repairin’ dental assistants in their sparkling white homes that have been enhanced and detailed with an amazing five-in-one tool, cooking their three course meal in one pan while they wonder if they’ll ever have to sharpen their Ginsu steak knives and how they might incorporate the sharpening into their Ab-Blaster, Thigh-Master exercise routine might be persuaded to get off the damn couch on one specific morning and cast a ballot on their way to the minimum-wage job on which they still manage to feed a family of four? But I digress. If you think that $674 Billion is a lot of money, you’re absolutely right. In comparison, eight bucks seems like a mere pittance. Which is why I ask you to take your eight dollars (and your many friends with access to eight dollars) and bring ‘em down to Dorscia at 665 N. Robertson Blvd.,West Hollywood, CA,310-652-6364 next Tuesday, January 14th, 2003 to see David Robinson’s first performance of 2003 (known to some as the really truly last official beginning of the millennium) beginning at 8:00PM! Though the show officially starts at 8:00PM, I strongly advise that you get to Dorscia NO LATER THAN 7:30PM. Street parking over in that neck of the woods (between Santa Monica and Melrose) is impossible to find and Dorscia’s lot fills up pretty quickly. You may not think it would on a Tuesday, but Wednesday being “hump-day,” Tuesday seems to be the night everyone goes out to stretch and get warmed up. Let me tell you, these folks in West Hollywood sure love to dance. Yes they do. And whether or not you like to dance, there’s great comedy happening in West Hollywood next Tuesday, January 14th, 2003 at 8:00PM. It's at Dorscia - 665 N. Robertson Blvd.,West Hollywood, CA,310-652-6364 - Hell, they’ve got a two-drink minimum, so you may as well show up early and start gettin’ yo drink on. See you there! Your pal David

 

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