It’s late January 2004 and while much of the talk in the political world is centered around the paring down of Democratic presidential nominees, the Chinese have put their endorsement behind our current appointed President by naming this “The Year of the Monkey.”
And in the State of the Union address, the Monkey surprised no one, except perhaps when he knocked Vice President Cheney’s glass of water over after the speech was finished. Then again, after three years, you’d figure Cheney would be used to cleaning up after the President by now. In the address, the President said he wants the government to begin funding faith based charities “to strengthen our communities by unleashing the compassion of America's religious institutions.” Y’know, kinda like the Taliban did for Afghanistan.
In a somewhat related story, Britain's best-selling hiking magazine, “TRAIL,” apologized this week after its latest issue contained a route that would lead climbers off the edge of a cliff on Britain's tallest peak. Editors seemed dumbfounded as they tried to figure out how Bush’s Middle-East policies got into the February issue and swore this would never happen again.
Although the President didn’t mention the environment in the State of the Union, his strong commitment to protecting our planet’s eco-system can be summed up in his eagerness to have us all living on the moon and Mars. And by “us all,” he means to say wealthy Republicans. Which is a great effort towards bi-partisanship, because I think most liberals would also like to see many of our wealthy Republicans sent to the moon, or at least to keep them a safe distance from the Earth.
As a means to that end, NASA has sent the Mars Rover up to the red planet. For those of you unfamiliar with this piece of equipment, the Mars Rover is a remote controlled car that’s supposed to find rocks on Mars, visually analyze them, probe them, penetrate them and then drill into them. Basically, all the things NASA scientists would like to do to a woman. But now NASA is reporting that the Mars Rover has serious problems communicating, leading some to believe that NASA will cheat on the Rover, lie to it repeatedly and steal from the Rover – ultimately shattering any chance the Mars Program ever had of working.
In other NASA news, the scientists announced that they’d be canceling the Hubble Space Telescope Program due to budget problems and safety concerns. The Hubble Space Telescope will be allowed to degrade and eventually become useless, much like former Vice President Al Gore.
Moving away from Washington, Americans are getting psyched up for this year’s Super Bowl in which the Panthers will take on the Patriots – much like the 1968 Democratic Convention. The difference is that in 1968, the Panthers were Black . . . so I guess not much has changed. It remains to be seen, however, whether the Patriots will be able to win this one without the tear gas that was instrumental to their ’68 victory.
The city council of San Mateo, California, just south of San Francisco, voted unanimously this week for a 45-day emergency ban on karaoke booths. Under the current law, folks in San Mateo are still free to “Give Love a Bad Name,” but now they’ll have to do it in public like J-Lo and Ben.
Meanwhile, an 11-year-old girl gave birth to a healthy baby boy this week in Kiev, Ukraine, leading doctors to wonder when the hell R. Kelly was in Ukraine.
Finally, in New York City, jury selection continued for the upcoming Martha Stewart trial. Jurors will be chosen based on their ability to complement the courtroom furnishings and light up the room without standing out from the background. It’s a good thing, indeed.
And there will be plenty of other good things when Dr. David Robinson performs on Friday, February 6th at El Dorado (11777 San Vicente Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 310-207-0150.) The show starts at 7:30, so come out to Brentwood after work to wrap up your Super Bowl week with the funniest happy hour since Cheers was taken off the air. Drink specials and valet parking available – not necessarily in that order.
See you on Friday!
Vaya con Carne –
Your pal David
