Today, February 6, 2003 is former President Ronald Reagan’s 92nd birthday. You don’t need to remember this - as he probably isn’t in any position to remind you - but there is something you should remember. NEXT THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13th, DAVID ROBINSON will be performing at the Comedy Union - 5040 W Pico Blvd. Los Angeles CA (323) 934-9300 (link to a map in the “upcoming gigs” section above.) A big show, an “important” show, and the format you’ve all been waiting for – fewer comics doing longer sets. Be there as if my life depends on it. Which it might. As far as we know. If you know something different, let’s pretend you don’t, shall we? As long as we’re talking about pretending we don’t know things, how ‘bout Iraq’s rebuttal to Secretary of State Colin Powell’s address to the U.N. Security Council? An advisor to Saddam Hussein refuted Powell’s claims, saying that Iraq has “military secrets connected with our right to self defense, nothing more.” Now, coming from a leader whose previous displays of his “right to self defense” included gassing his own people and burning the oil fields in Kuwait, I think we can all agree that it’s not so hard to believe that the Iraqi “right to self defense” might include the use of chemical, biological and/or nuclear weapons. On the other hand, Iraq also denies any connection with Al Qaeda. As soon as it looks like we’re actually going to start a war in Iraq, I’m guessing the retraction will probably be about as plausible as “Al QAEDA? Oh, sure we’re tight with them. We thought you said Al Molinaro – y’know, the guy who ran Arnold’s on ‘Happy Days!’ Him we don’t know. Al Qaeda, on the other hand, yeah we know them . . . why, did they do something bad? You maybe want us to have a little chat with them?” Meanwhile, President Bush continues to threaten Iraq with punishment that, so far, hasn’t really come to fruition. Sure, we’re strengthening our position in the Middle East, but to what end? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about being prepared, but why are we sending Patriot missiles to Jordan? Yeah, they’re our friends, but back in the 80s, weren’t we pretty tight with Afghanistan? We must have been, even Rambo helped them out when those pesky Russkies were bothering them. And what happened to all the weapons and training we provided for our good friends in the Taliban? Oh, right. They used them against us. All I’m saying is that when Jordan winds up with all these left over missiles and they somehow get pointed at Israel or any American military bases in the region, I’m not going to look too surprised. What did surprise me this week, however, was the Air Force fly-by at the memorial service for the Space Shuttle Columbia astronauts. Sure, it’s a customary thing, but am I the only one who breathed a sigh of relief when they completed their flight over the service without crashing? Even Jackie-O must have flinched during the 21-gun salute at JFK’s funeral. Sure, there was some backlash against the international space programs when they failed to rid the Earth of N’Sync’s Lance Bass, but that’s no reason to thumb your nose at the memory of seven astronauts by effectively saying “That’s right, we can fly. And y’know what we’re gonna do after that? We’re gonna land. Jealous yet?” Much like the jealousy your friends and descendents will experience in years to come when they learn that you saw DAVID ROBINSON back when he was playing small clubs in and around Hollywood. Especially when they find out that you saw him at the Comedy Union - 5040 W Pico Blvd. Los Angeles CA (323) 934-9300 on THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13th, 2003 at 9:00PM for only $12! Why, they might just get so jealous that they beat the crap out of you right then and there. Which is why you need to bring as many of your friends as you can gather to the show. Then, start drinking. And get your friends loaded too. They’ll thank you for it later. Sure, you could wait until the next night, when the weekend actually starts, to get your drink on, but nothing says “Happy Valentine’s Day!” like a big-ass hangover. Which is not to say that a big-ass hangover is necessarily a good way to say “Happy Valentine’s Day!” – just that it’s a fairly unique one. See you on Thursday at Comedy Union! Vaya con Carne - Yer pal David

 

Click here to return to the archives listing