The field of Democrats competing for the party’s presidential nomination was narrowed this week when retired general Wesley Clark dropped out of the race. Somewhat surprising, but not nearly as surprising as the fact that Kucinich and Sharpton are still in it to win it. I don’t think either Kucinich or Sharpton are Presidential material, but tell me you don’t think they’d make an awesome cop-buddy duo.
Meanwhile in Washington, President Bush has put together a nine-member panel to investigate the Administration’s intelligence, but they’re not expected to find any. But at least the White House has been able to prove that our court appointed President wasn’t AWOL during those Vietnam War years in the National Guard. Their proof? Payroll records. What the hell is this, “The People’s Court”? Just because he brought his receipts, he figures he’ll win the case? First of all, as a native Chicagoan, I know that a government paycheck isn’t proof of actual work occurring. Second of all, I was raised in an era when our Government was buying a basic claw hammer for $10,000. A toilet seat was $5,000. Rigging the Florida election results so your brother can become President . . . priceless. Sorry, got off track there.
But George isn’t the only one suspected of going AWOL - First Lady, Laura Bush, is urging everyone to wear red to help fight heart disease. Sure, most doctors would recommend eating a healthy diet and not smoking, but the First Lady knows better. Wear red to fight heart disease – and people thought our previous First Lady had a fucked up health plan. Hey, if I can fight heart disease by wearing red, maybe I can lose weight by eating large quantities of bacon, butter and steak. It’s so crazy it just might work!
Truer words were never spoken . . . at least by the medical team who unsuccessfully tried to surgically remove a Dominican baby’s second head last week. Sure, I could make jokes about her growing up with the nickname “Totem Pole,” but I think her 29 year-old father really said everything that needed to be said on the issue when he recently told the press: “When she was born everyone said, 'Wow, two heads.'” And you wonder why the Dominican Republic isn’t renowned for its’ poetry.
The French, on the other hand, are known for their writing, but sadly not for their hygiene. This might explain why a woman from France recently married her dead boyfriend but hasn’t yet started complaining about the smell.
And all around Los Angeles, people are getting excited about the NBA’s All Star Weekend – a celebration of professional basketball where fans get to interact with their favorite players in a family friendly environment. Lots of fun for the whole family there – try your hand at the Jayson Williams shootout! And your daughter won’t be able to pull herself away from the Kobe Bryant kissing booth (motto: Because Vanessa Bryant wants more jewelry!) no matter how hard she tries! Or fights! Allegedly.
Whether or not the All Star weekend is your thing, you can save your excitement for the next couple comedy shows featuring Dr. David Robinson! On Friday, February 20th, you can catch the funny at the Improv Olympic West (6366 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, CA. 323-962-7560) when I’ll be participating in the Jim Coughlin Comedy Hour at midnight and then again just a few days later on Tuesday, February 24th when I perform in the "Two Drink Minimum" show in the Belly Room at The Comedy Store (8433 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 323-650-6268)!
See you on Friday and Tuesday!
Vaya con Carne –
Your pal David
