It’s been 23 years since John Hinckley, Jr. shot President Ronald Reagan in an attempt to impress actress Jodie Foster and I find myself mentally meandering between memories of the day Reagan was shot and wondering what’s keeping anyone else from wooing the Ivy League graduate these days. And now that Hinckley was awarded unsupervised visits to his parents and prisoners in Los Angeles are getting released early because the city doesn’t have the budget to keep them incarcerated, I think it’s about time the day-to-day struggles of assassins, attempted or otherwise) get the humorous treatment they’ve long deserved. This is why I’m currently looking for collaborators to pitch my new idea for a half-hour sitcom to the TV networks. Think about it; a recently released John Hinckley, Jr. moves in with wacky roommate Mark David Chapman and the two try to make their way through the challenges each new day brings. The working title? “Give It a Shot!” Hey, if we can get it in front of the folks who gave the green light to “Homeboys From Outer Space,” “Manimal,” or the latest exercise in poor taste and even worse writing, “The Help,” I think this thing could go places! If not, I’m also looking for backers to help me option a Reuters headline from a couple weeks back when “Dawn of the Dead” took in more cash than “The Passion of the Christ.” So if you’d like a piece of “Zombies Beat Jesus at U.S. Box Office,” just drop me an e-mail. On the topic of television, Janet Jackson is working the talk show circuit to promote her new album called “Damita Jo.” Or possibly “Damita Hell” . . . I’m not really sure. She’s doing Letterman and Good Morning America with more promotional appearances ahead, and I’m wondering when she’ll make history again with the first “got milk?” print ad that doesn’t feature a milk mustache. Hey, do you remember a couple weeks back when singer Bobby Brown was released from a Georgia jail and he told reporters “This is the last time you’ll see me coming out of here or going in.”? It might just explain why Brown kept screaming “Look over there! No, over THERE!” when he was released from a Massachusetts jail last week. Making his way from New Edition to plain ol’ yesterday’s news, Brown was jailed for failure to pay more than $60,000 in back child support to a Massachusetts woman who refused to get screwed by Brown anymore. Though Whitney Houston said she supported her husband, she couldn’t find it in herself to support his illegitimate children. And while we're talkin' music, if you thought Broadway musicals couldn’t possibly be more gay, George Michael is out to prove you wrong. Word on the street is that Michael is considering offers to mount a stage musical about his erstwhile pop band Wham!. Of course, Michael is also considering offers to mount strangers in a public bathroom, but that’s a completely different issue. While we’re speaking of completely different issues, check your local radio listings to see if you live in a town where “Air America” begins broadcasting this week. The new progressive talk radio network will feature Al Franken, Janeane Garofolo, Lizz Winstead, Chuck D and Marc Maron commenting on the issues of the day. And who knows, if enough people get in touch with the folks at Air America insisting that Dr. David Robinson be added to their roster, they may just take another look at my resume. But until the time when Air America recognizes my talents, you’ll have to settle for this website and my live performances to get your fix of my comedy stylings (my comedy shampoo and cut cost extra and aren’t available in all markets). And while you’re already checking out www.standupfalldown.com, I want to let you know that you can catch me performing tonight, March 30, as part of the "Two Drink Minimum" show in the Belly Room at The Comedy Store (8433 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 323-650-6268) and on Saturday, April 10 when I’ll be enhancing the “Rebels of Comedy” show at El Dorado (11777 San Vicente Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 310-207-0150)! After these two shows, you won’t hear a live performance of “Jesus Is My Realtor” until December, so make sure you get out and see some live comedy . . . particularly shows featuring me! See you in the funny places! Vaya con Carne – Your pal David

 

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