A couple years back with the terrorist attacks of September 11th, many media pundits began to decry the “death of irony.” While irony is alive and well, despite the best efforts of Alanis Morrisette, I’m beginning to believe that the actual victim is common sense. We can trace the gradual disappearance of common sense to a point a few years back when our President got busted for firing the “other shot heard ‘round the world” onto Monica Lewinsky’s dress. America’s attention was drawn towards the President’s crotch— just like a dog that’s drawn towards . . . well, anyone’s crotch. And as our eyes wandered south, so did our minds. Skip forward to the election scandal of 2000 and the subsequent appointment of our current Commander in Chief. By this point, common sense had begun to slip into the quiet cold of the winter woods to await the wolves. After decimating anything that was worth decimating in Afghanistan in our search for Bin Laden, President Bush’s attention was drawn to Iraq – just like a third grader with ADD. So now we’ve got this scavenger hunt in the Middle East (“The first team to find Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and his psychotic brood and Iraqi weapons of mass destruction wins justification for their Administration!”), President Bush is promising the same freedoms to the Iraqi people that he’s stripping away from the American people in the name of “National Security.” Why, just a couple weeks ago, Coalition troops took an Iraqi prisoner suspected of killing thousands of his countrymen into protective custody so he wouldn’t be killed in prison. Now, if you’re wondering why we don’t give the same treatment to folks in American prisons, it’s very likely due to the fact that after our troops took him into protective custody, they kinda lost him. Not in the same way that we frequently “lose” kids in the DFS system – more like the way we lose car keys, scraps of paper with important phone numbers or favorite childhood toys. Lost. Gone. Vanished in the wind. Like sands through the hourglass and into the desert. Oopsie-daisy. Well, maybe if we overhype the rescue of a U.S. P.O.W. from an Iraqi hospital, people won’t notice. And now the legions of the traditionally liberal politically correct are joining forces with the Bush Administration to lower the quality of education in America. Now, I may be the only one who believes that lower standards of education for today’s kids equals better job security for me tomorrow, but there’s something scary about knowing that when the dumb kid’s parents tell him that even he could grow up to be President, they might just be right. In a recent story on Reuters.com, Dianne Ravitch - an N.Y.U. professor of education and author of “The Language Police” says the title of Ernest Hemingway’s “The Old Man and the Sea” presents problems with every word except “and” and “the” because the words “old” and “man” are ageist and sexist and, according to the story, “[the word] sea can’t be used in case a student lives inland and doesn’t grasp the concept of a large body of water.” Aren’t we sending our kids to school to teach them to do things like grasp concepts? Finally, though, we’re seeing positive effects of Bush’s economy. Well, one positive sign – suspected 1996 Atlanta Olympic bomber Eric Rudolph was arrested this week in Murphy, North Carolina while dumpster diving. Back when Clinton was running the show and we had that big ol’ budget surplus, Rudolph was apparently doing well enough to avoid being found. Not that I want any suspected bombers out on the loose, but it would have been nice if this one was able to evade capture until December, in the midst of Christmas shopping season. I mean, with headlines like, “Rudolph Transferred To Alabama To Face Charges,” “Rudolph’s Capture Doesn’t Ease the Pain For Those Injured in Blast,” and “Police Search for Rudolph’s Hiding Places,” all the parents who aren’t going to benefit from Bush’s tax cuts could explain to their children that there won’t be any Christmas presents this year because Santa doesn’t have anyone to lead his sleigh. Of course, now that the FCC has approved new rules that will allow for the mass consolidation of the media, we won’t have to worry about what’s in the news. We’ll have to start worrying about what isn’t in the news. How much coverage did the mainstream, corporate owned press give the controversy leading up to the vote? How about the issues raised by consolidation of the mass media? Who cares, right? As long as we have quality entertainment like “American Juniors” to keep our minds occupied. “American Juniors,” for those who may not know, is the new Fox network pint-sized version of “American Idol.” Call me crazy, but after avoiding “Idol” like a French-Canadian mad cow with SARS, why would I want to waste my summer nights watching a bunch of immature idiots with annoying voices force their children to sing? And why should you waste your summer nights with crap like that. Especially when there’s quality entertainment to be had THIS THURSDAY NIGHT at 7:30 PM at REIGN (180 N. Robertson Blvd., Beverly Hills, CA 90211 - 310-273-4463– between Wilshire and Clifton Way) in Beverly Hills when David Robinson performs in a show featuring new and breaking comedians in a very hip, museum-like setting. They’ve got a great menu and a fantastic bar – all the better to enhance your weeknight comedy experience. There’s ample street parking and a valet, if you don’t want to walk more than 10 steps to the front door, so skip the reruns and come on down to REIGN on THURSDAY NIGHT at 7:30PM. See you Thursday! Vaya con Carne, Your pal David

 

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