Kids, it’s time for a little reflection and a modest slice of humble pie. I have to admit, in the past couple years I’ve been a little harsh when it comes to the topic of our appointed President George W. Bush. Among insinuations that his intellect qualifies him to compete in the Special Olympics (not including events such as the javelin toss or anything else involving pointy objects); that W’s anal capacity is sufficient to fit not only the hands of puppet masters George H.W. Bush and Dick Cheney, but also his own big monkey head; and that his foreign policy strongly resembles the kids’ menu from Chi-Chi’s, but with more spelling errors. Well, this week W proved me wrong when we all witnessed simultaneous rioting in Coalition occupied Iraq and Benton Harbor, Michigan. Though the Michigan riots were sparked by the death of a black motorcyclist who was running from members of the local police, the similarities are uncanny. Benton Harbor is a mostly black community overrun by poverty, unemployment and crime despite the efforts of a white police force that’s long been suspected of racism and indifference. Iraqis, on the other hand were rioting against an occupying force of another race from another culture because after being “liberated” from an oppressive regime that was indifferent to their poverty and unemployment they still don’t have jobs or money. So why am I humbled by this? Because George W. Bush has finally achieved parity between his domestic and foreign policies. Iraqis who were accustomed to a culture of fear now have the freedom to riot in the streets and shoot at the police. And Attorney General John Ashcroft is using the terrorist attacks of 9/11 to create a culture of fear in America, encouraging the citizens to give up our precious freedoms in the name of “National Security.” See? Parity. So I offer my apology to President Bush and his administration. You guys have succeeded in making Iraq more like America and I congratulate you on that. But did you have to reach that goal by making America more like Iraq? Call me crazy, but I’m thinking that as the 2004 election gets closer, the odds of the Bush administration finding Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Iraqi weapons of mass destruction get better and better. Of course, there are some people who believe that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but a recent poll showed that these people are in the minority. This tells me that a President can get away with lying about why we go to war in a foreign country, but the American public finds Presidential lies about oral sex too hard to swallow. Looking at the situation realistically, the Bush administration can only distract us with so many tax cuts before they actually have to produce results. I’m not saying that Americans have a short attention span, but I for one was disappointed this week when Coalition forces captured Saddam’s secretary, national security adviser and senior bodyguard, Abid Hamid Mahmud al-Tikriti. Don’t get me wrong - I’m glad we caught the guy but from reading the headlines, you’d never know that he’s the Ace of Diamonds. I guess we’ll have to toss our “Iraqi 55 most wanted” decks of cards on the pile with the pet rocks, “Where’s the Beef” t-shirts and the pogs we still don’t remember buying. And while we’re piling up our guilt-ridden purchases, I can’t help but wonder if the capture of renegade date rapist and cosmetics heir Andrew Luster means we’re supposed to add Max Factor products to the same pile as all those French products we tossed on the fire heap earlier this year: French champagne, perfume, Joan of Arc and Dixie Chicks CDs. The lesson here is that even if you’re the heir to a multi-million dollar cosmetics fortune, there are just some things you can’t make-up for. Back in the world of politics, Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean said on Friday authorities in his home state of Vermont had accused his son of attempting to steal alcohol. Not the greatest campaign strategy in the world, but hey, it seemed to work for George W. Bush. Come to think of it, you could also make the argument that the strategy also worked for the other President Bush. Y’know, the one who was actually elected? On the topic of elections, next Wednesday you may find yourself with multiple choices of where to get your evening’s entertainment. I sincerely hope you choose the comedy of Dr. David Robinson who will be appearing at El Dorado - 11777 San Vicente Blvd.,Los Angeles, CA,310-207-0150 – in a show that begins at 7:30PM! Having said that, I now return you to your regularly scheduled web browsing. If you come across any interesting porn sites in your online adventures, be sure to wipe the monitor clean as a matter of courtesy to the next person to use your computer. See you Wednesday! Vaya con Carne – Your pal David

 

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