Well, if you’ve been keeping up with California politics, you might think that the California Republicans with Alzheimers such as Ronald Reagan and Charlton Heston have taken over the state because they’re going to spend their time between now and October trying to recall the current governor, Gray Davis. See, this is the problem with Government – they need three months to recall the Governor. How could they possibly forget him? He’s on TV all the time! You want to remember the Governor, turn on the damn television. Now, what’s so tough about that? I’m not the biggest fan of Gray Davis, but I think this whole recall deal is an aftershock from the Clinton impeachment combined with the “Bushies Bushies Uber Alles” wave that hit the world of politics after we started “liberating” Iraq. Apparently "regime change" starts at home. But the list of contenders doesn’t end with Schwarzenegger – it continues with familiar names like Larry Flynt, Arianna Huffington, Angelyne, Gary Coleman and former baseball commissioner Peter Ueberroth and then trails right on out the door to include anyone with $3,500 who wants to run for office. Flynt, best known for publishing Hustler magazine, says he thinks the progressive people of California are ready to have a “smut peddler” as our governor. I think he’s got a point there, but there’s no way in hell we’d elect a fucking cripple. Now, before anyone volunteers to be my campaign manager I want you to know that I don’t plan to run. But I strongly urge everyone else to put off buying that new laptop and putting the cash toward announcing your own candidacy. If you miss the deadline to register as a candidate, just run as a write-in. If you’ve been hankering to get your own reality show, this is your shot. Sure, you’ll need to be extremely careful deciding which network to go with – Fox is probably licking their chops at the very prospect of producing “Who wants to schtup a Gubernatorial Candidate?” – but careful decisions are part of being Governor, pal. Hey, no one said it would be easy. Meanwhile, the man who started the recall buzz and funded the recall petitions with his own money, Republican Congressman Darrell Issa, an alleged car thief who subsequently made millions with a car alarm company, tearfully backed out of the race this week. After the Gulf War and the current conflict in Iraq, we should be used to Republicans who start things they’re unwilling to finish. As we look at events on the other side of the globe, Liberian rebels continue to battle the forces of President Charles Taylor. These rogue Liberians continue to battle the government until they agree to officially adapt the Dewey Decimal system. And recently in France, testicular cancer survivor Lance Armstrong won his fifth Tour De France. Asked if he enjoyed the race, Armstrong responded, “I had a ball.” But back in the states, the Episcopalians have appointed openly gay Rev. Gene Robinson (no relation) as their new Bishop. The decision was delayed for a day because of the controversy over Rev. Robinson’s sexual preference, but was ratified after the Episcopalian church delegates spent 24 hours “polishing the Bishop.” And you can spend next Tuesday night polishing the bishop or you can enjoy yourself in a room full of people when Dr. David Robinson performs at The Comedy Store's Belly Room: 8433 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90069 (323-650-6268). The show begins at 8:00PM, so get there early to make sure you get a good seat. It’s a free show (with a two drink minimum) and you can find relatively cheap parking on La Cienega just south of Sunset. So come on out to the Belly Room. Sure, I say I’m not running for Governor – but you won’t really know until you see whether or not I declare my candidacy on Tuesday. I can hardly wait! See you Tuesday! Vaya con Carne – Your pal David

 

Click here to return to the archives listing