It’s been a very interesting couple of months since David Robinson last performed comedy, on purpose and in public. 4 out of 5 doctors have finally agreed that he is ready to perform again. But is the public ready for him? Yeah, they probably are. You can find out for yourself at AMAGI (conveniently located in the Gower Gulch strip mall behind the Denny’s at Sunset and Gower- 6114 West Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90028 (323) 464-7497) this SATURDAY, AUGUST 31 at 8PM when he brings a whole bunch of new material to the stage as well as a brand new song! Now, being a holiday weekend and all, I highly encourage you to bring as many of your friends as possible to the show. They’ll love and respect you for it. Even if they don’t, if they’ve got $8, they’re welcome to come . . If that’s not enough to get you to the show, try this on for size. What an interesting summer it’s been! The wheels of Karma have finally turned on Martha Stewart and they continue to turn, in effect grinding her down into a fine flour that can be used in home made pastas, cakes and pie crusts, just like the ones mater used to make when pater would come home at the end of a longshoreman. . . or rather the end of a long day. Half of one, six dozen of the other. . . you know what I’m talking ‘bout. Yes, our dear Martha seems to have forgotten that insider trading is best kept to kaffeklatches and red-velvet cake recipes. On the other hand, I look forward to that extra je ne sais quoi that the prison experience will add to everything she makes – from tiny muffins you can bake under the heat of your cell’s 60 watt bulb to the custom colored tattoo ink she makes from a broken Bic pen, fresh squeezed eggplant nectar and about ten smokes worth of cigarette ashes (2 1/2 thimbles full, plus or minus according to personal taste preference.) And what the hell ever happened to R. Kelly?!?! The man who pundits voted most likely to keep suspected petty thief Winona Ryder out of the tabloid headlines hasn’t been heard from since he allegedly rushed to Pennsylvania after hearing that 9 minors were trapped in a hole. As for the miners themselves, we all know they survived the ordeal of being trapped in a flooded mine shaft, but we won’t fully understand what they went through until we see the made for TV movie, “Sure Is Dark In Here. . . Wet Too: The Pennsylvania Miners’ Story.” As far as politics have been going this summer, our domestic policy is starting to look more and more like its been crafted by David Copperfield and David Blaine. Not since “Plan Nine From Outer Space” or “Heaven’s Gate” (the one with Michael Cimino and the horses – not to be confused with the Heaven’s Gate with the Nikes and the purple shrouds) have we seen such skillful misdirection, and not since his college days has George W. utilized smoke and mirrors to such great effect. While we all point and laugh at Martha Stewart, Worldcom and Adelphia Cable; Ken Lay and the Enron execs are hurriedly packing their bags and trying to disappear before the angry mobs show up on their doorsteps; pitchforks and torches at the ready. They’ve thrown one of their own to the dogs, hoping we’ll lose the trail, meanwhile the real criminals are getting their belongings together and preparing to run for re-election. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that the phone companies and the cable companies are any better (in the moral sense) than the energy regulators, but while Enron was in bed with our duly elected officials, Worldcom and Adelphia were down in the kitchen making toast and juice strappin’ on the kneepads and waiting for their turn to go upstairs and take care of “business.” Or maybe Worldcom was making the toast and juice while Adelphia was waiting around to say grace. Because, as you may have heard, the Rigas family - owners of Adelphia Cable - have very strong conservative religious beliefs. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having strong, conservative religious beliefs, but their beliefs are so strong and so conservative that the Rigas family refused to allow pornographic pay-per-view programming on Adelphia Cable systems. Then again, their beliefs were neither strong enough nor conservative enough to prevent the Rigas family from robbing Peter to pay Paul . . . they just conveniently forgot to pay Paul. If we lived in a just society, John Rigas would be going to a place where he would have plenty of time to get down on his knees and pray – not necessarily at the same time. If we’re lucky the minimum-security prison he does wind up going to will have AT&T cable. More recently, George W. has been suggesting that trees have been causing all those forest fires this summer and therefore must be chopped down, removed and processed by the highest bidder. Not to go all nostalgic on you, but it seems like just yesterday that the Republicans were telling us that trees cause pollution, now those damn things are causing forest fires. Won’t be long before they’re trying to convince us that the trees are insidiously hiding out on our front lawns and in our back yards with the intent of abducting our sons and daughters. Especially the shade trees, who have always seemed so . . . well, shady. So, if last summer was (as proclaimed by the media) the “Summer of the Shark,” a vast improvement on the Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week” (at least in terms of length, if not ratings,) then this summer must be the “Summer of the Missing Child.” On one hand, it’s really bad for the children but, on the other hand, it’s quite good for the manufacturers of milk cartons. And when you get down to brass tacks, which of the two is doing more for the economy? The children? Hey, if they would get off their lazy butts and start working in the factories like they did back before those pesky post-industrial revolution child labor laws were passed, maybe you’d be able to get a decent pair of Nikes for less than $90. Now, I’m no Alvin Toffler or John Naisbitt, but I’ve been pretty successful at predicting upcoming social trends and I believe that if things keep moving in this direction, next summer will be “The Summer of the Sharks who Abduct Children.” While there’s no reason to celebrate the abduction of children, you gotta admit that a low-speed car chase with the cops hot on the tail of an SUV being driven by a great white would make fantastic television. And just think of the merchandising and entertainment possibilities! If anyone is interested in collaborating on a script for the Jabberjaw feature film, give a call. Consider this: While Jabberjaw and the gang are off the coast of Florida to play a gig at the undersea world of, um . . .well, Sea World . . . Jabberjaw is falsely accused of abducting Timmy, a huge fan of cartoon pop music who also happens to be afflicted with a debilitating but not life-threatening disease, and the gang has to track down the real criminal in time to get Jabberjaw out of jail so he can play at the big concert as well as saving Timmy and giving him his Insulin / Oxycontin / Laetril in a timely fashion. (Note to self: Possible tie in with makers of Thalidomide – finally, a constructive use for flipper babies.) We get celebrity cameos, wacky chases with funky cartoon pop music playing in the background, and a 10-foot tall shark who plays drums and talks like Curly. Big pro-shark, hit single – “Sure, sharks eat children (but not like that!)” What could possibly be better? I’ll tell you what’d be better – that’s right, it’s David Robinson’s triumphant return to the comedy stage, on Saturday the 31st of August 2002! What better way to spend a part of your Labor Day weekend than watching someone else work for your pleasure?! How about watching a bunch of people work for your pleasure? Yes, there will be somewhere around 9 other comedians performing that night, all of them trying to be as clever, witty and urbane as I am – some of them potentially succeeding! You can also watch the waiters and waitresses of Amagi working and enjoy the fruits of their labors as they bring you the tasty vittles of your choosing and a minimum of two beverages as you enjoy the comedy of David Robinson at AMAGI! Take a break from the telethon and head to AMAGI - conveniently located in the Gower Gulch strip mall behind the Denny’s at Sunset and Gower- (6114 West Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90028 (323) 464-7497) on SATURDAY, AUGUST 31 at 8PM. Enough comedy to get your night started, all for the low, low price of $8.00 Now here’s the catch, you have to be there before 8PM or I don’t get to count you towards my total number of people. Yes, it’s one of those “dreaded bringer shows,” for which I am rewarded if I bring people, penalized if I don’t. So when you and the large group of friends you bring with you get to Amagi, you’ll be asked who you’re there to see. Please tell them you’re there to see me, David Robinson, and then find yourself a place to sit (the good tables fill up by 7:45) and start drinkin’! The enjoyment will follow soon after. . . sooner if you drink quickly. I recommend the saki.

 

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