My apologies for the delay in posting this rambling – My computer use over the holiday weekend was postponed due to the sobig worm. While many of you may recognize the sobig worm as the virus that crippled computer systems around the world, I refer to the worm at the bottom of a bottle of mescal that a friend picked up for me in Tijuana. That worm was so big . . . well, suffice it to say, by the time I eliminated the worm, there was enough tequila running through me that I had to declare my own system corrupted. However, I must warn you that bottles of liquor aren’t the only things with worms in ‘em that you can get in Tijuana. Caveat emptor, that’s what I’m getting at. And with the large amount of money that was raised by the MDA this past weekend in their Labor Day telethon, Jerry Lewis will continue to procreate for years to come. Personally, I’m sick and tired of the telethon for Jerry’s kids. I could be wrong, but I’m thinking that rather than helping the kids, more people give money to the MDA each year in the hopes that the organizers will finally be able to afford some quality talent next year. Am I the only one thinking that MDA actually stands for Magnificently Disturbing Acts? How much money do you think they’d raise if they fed Wayne Brady into a chipper/shredder while he impersonated a guy being fed into a chipper/shredder while improvising a song about drinking poison? Bet they’d have enough for a cure after that one . . . What can I say? I have a dream. And it was 40 years ago, last week, that Martin Luther King delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” speech, encouraging civil rights for all Americans. Our government is commemorating this historic event by sending Attorney General John Ashcroft on the road to promote the so-called Patriot Act, allowing the government to deny any citizen of those rights if you're declared "unpatriotic." At least MTV showed that someone is working hard to unite the races at the Video Music Awards last week in New York – even if the cause they’re uniting behind happens to be booty and bi-curious ex-Mousketeers. Meanwhile in California, we’re still in the throes of the historic gubernatorial recall and leading Republican candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger has declared that he won’t take part in the upcoming gubernatorial debate. There’s no way in hell I think he should be elected, but you gotta have a little respect for a politician who keeps his mouth shut because he has nothing to say. He does have a great campaign commercial, though. You might have seen it – the one where he says “California’s farms feed the world. Our technology industry is second to none . . . I’m running for governor to change things.” Um, sounds like we’ve got a good thing going – why change? Of course it could be worse, we could be grouped in with the idolators of Alabama who are protesting the removal of a Ten Commandments statue from an Alabama courthouse. Now there’s a place that needs some change. If I’m not mistaken, it’s even incorporated into the state motto; “Welcome to Alabama, got any change?” Though when discussing the situation in Alabama, we need to differentiate between ‘ignorant white trash’ and ‘poor white trash.’ If you have trouble telling the difference, it’s easy to remember – ‘poor white trash’ typically says things like “Do you want fries with that?” or “Budweiser? What, you get a raise?” while ‘ignorant white trash’ says things like, “My name is George W. Bush,” and then proceeds to drop his dog on its head. No need for you to drop your pets on their heads, but you should drop whatever else is on your schedule for the night of Saturday, September 13th and head down to the Sportsmen's Lodge at 12833 Ventura Blvd. Studio City, CA 91604 (818) 755-5000. The show begins at 8:00PM, but you should show up early so you can get a good table. Enjoy the drink specials early and often and then when the realization that you’re going to have to drive finally hits you, I strongly suggest the food specials. See you on the 13th! Vaya con Carne – Your pal David

 

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