If I had a dime for every time during the current Bush reign that I was reminded of the old Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times,” I just might have enough cash to finance an invasion of Iraq. The appointed President recently addressed the public on TV to whine like a bitch that the country is going to need $87 BILLION to get us through the year in Iraq, and now the Vice President is saying that the government will probably need more cash, but rolling back the tax cuts on the richest 1% of the population would throw the economy out of whack. By “economy,” Cheney must have meant “our chances for election in 2004.” Though some say Bush and Cheney are going for re-election, I remind you that you have to actually be elected at least once in order to be re-elected. Nomenclaturally challenged rock star Bono met with President Bush this week to pressure the President into living up to his promised financial commitment to AIDS research and prevention. The White House, however, is reluctant to provide all the promised funds because they’re concerned that a system is not yet in place to use the money effectively. As a matter of fact, White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters, “You need to make sure the infrastructure is in place for those resources to be spent.” Y’know, kinda like all the prep work that was done before we sent our troops into Iraq. Folks, we’re talking about the same political party that spent 8 years telling the American people that President Clinton was trying to sell the country to the Japanese. Not that I’m surprised, but the same people are now selling the country to American owned multinational corporations. Sure, the buyers are American, but when you’re a slave what does it matter who your master is? You’re still being bought and sold. And turning to the California gubernatorial recall election, the Ninth Circuit Appeals Court decided this week that the recall election is going to have to be postponed until March - allegedly because of outdated voting machines in seven California counties. I’m thinking it’s actually because of some sort of electoral Groundhog Day. Y’know, Schwarzenegger saw Senator McClintock in his shadow so now we get 6 more months of campaigning. While Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante is currently enjoying a slight lead in the polls, some Californians are nervous about his plans to make Spanish an official language of California. They’re worried that Bustamante intends to give California back to Mexico. I assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. I mean, if he gave California to Mexico, think about how much Indian gaming money he’d lose. And this week, the Los Angeles City Council voted to ban physical contact between exotic dancers and their customers in L.A. strip clubs. And I’ve got to agree - strip clubs are no place for inappropriate touching. Let’s get the inappropriate touching back into the politicians’ offices where it belongs. But California isn’t the only state with bizarre election stories - the people of Seattle just voted down a ten-cent per drink tax on espresso drinks that would have gone to fund day care for underprivileged children. Now, I think all the kids should be able to get an education, but why pin this one on the coffee drinkers? It would make more sense to put the tax on alcoholic beverages. Think about it - between coffee and alcohol, which do you think is more responsible for unwanted children? Not that I’ve spent much time in Seattle, but if there was a town in America where bad breath and the shakes were a turn on to the majority, most of the computer dorks in our fair country might just pick up and move there. Hell, they’d probably build some sort of a compound where they could toil away the hours producing inferior, yet ubiquitous, software. They might even have a multi-millionaire ubergeek leading them all . . . oh, wait . . . Seattle. Right. Well, carry on then. And to save you the trouble of having to do so, I’ll be carrying on - ranting and raving - this Thursday, September 18th, when I’ll be appearing in the Rebels of Comedy stand-up show at The Comedy Union 5040 W. Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA, 323-934-9300 - The show begins at 8:00PM, but you should get there early so you can get a good parking spot, a decent table and proceed to get your weeknight drink on. The good news is that since comedy clubs aren’t governed by the same rules as strip clubs, you may be allowed to touch some of the comedians . . . better ask them first, though to avoid wearing a minimum of two drinks. See you Thursday! Vaya con Carne - Your pal David

 

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