There’s an old joke about a tourist who’s wandering the streets of Beverly Hills before he finally asks a passerby who looks like a local, “How do you get to the Friar’s Club?” The local gentleman looks at the tourist and says, “Mapquest!” http://www.digitalcity.com/losangeles/bars/venuemap.adp?vid=182219 (You’ll need this information for my upcoming show at the Friar’s Club this coming TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24th at 8:00PM.) You may find this awkwardly similar to another old joke about Carnegie Hall and practice, which reminds me that Fashion Week begins in New York City this week. Though you may not have known about fashion week, anyone who’s been watching the news in the past week or so knows that the hot new accessory for this fall is the “9/11 Terrorist Conspirator.” Pakistan had one on lay-a-way and Germany wanted it, but the ever wealthy, fashion-forward US of A got it. Now even though the states got the last one on that rack, New York announced that they had a few in Buffalo and Florida maintains that they’ve got three, but Georgia is saying that those three were hers despite the common belief that they’re just cheap knock-offs. Also in New York this week, Knicks center Patrick Ewing announced that he was retiring after a successful 17-year career. Not to be confused with singer R. Kelly, who retired this past summer after a 14-year-old girl. Or several. Allegedly. Or syndicated Chicago Tribune columnist, correspondent for Nightline, novelist, and all around bastion of traditional Midwestern values, Bob Greene, who seems to have waited an amount of time equal to the age of the underage girl with whom he fooled around before his indiscretion became general knowledge. But I digress. However, while we are on the tangent of sports legends, let us take a moment to recognize quarterback Johnny Unitas who was buried this week after dying on September 11th. Representatives for the Unitas family said, “In your FACE, Ted Williams!” Back to the Beanie-Babies . . . um, I mean terrorist conspirators. Now, even though we don’t know exactly how many of these conspirators are available, we do know that the most coveted of these new collectibles is the “Osama Bin Laden.” Which is why our president wants us to go after the “Saddam Hussein.” Judging by George W. Bush’s desire for the Hussein over the Bin Laden, are collectors to assume that the Hussein accessory will soon become as coveted as the Bin Laden? Or is this a clever move by the President that will allow him to avoid the appearance of sour grapes when he doesn’t get the Afghani edition? Like the kid who tried to hold his head high, walking down the hallway of the junior high in his Zips, never making eye contact with the rest of the kids in their Nikes, Adidas and Pumas. Do you remember when you were a kid and you wanted your dad to give you some money so you would try to impress him by doing the chores that he didn’t want to or wasn’t otherwise able to do? Y’know, things like raking the yard, taking out the trash, removing insane Middle-Eastern dictators from power . . . maybe this doesn’t have anything to do with fashion . . . after all. Maybe it’s all about the comedy . . . in a fashion . . . which I guess would make our government that much less tragic. . . If it’s not about the comedy right now, it definitely will be next TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24th at 8:00PM at the Friar's Club at 9900 S. Santa Monica Blvd. (that’s the ‘inner’ Santa Monica Blvd. . . ) Somewhere near the epicenter of lovely Beverly Hills, CA 90212 (310-553-0850). The cover is only $10 and because the Friar’s Club is a private club, it has been requested that y’all wear shirts with collars. Or pants with collars. Maybe even collard greens . . . Dress a little nice. After all, it is the Friar’s Club. And now that Milton Berle’s dead, there’s no telling WHO will be there to steal the jokes of the young comedians. . . Now, just because the show starts at 8:00PM, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be there as early as 7:30 with as many of your friends as you can possibly bring. Once there, you can begin drinking - four out of five comedians recommend drinking for people who may otherwise not lower their inhibitions enough to let the funny in. And please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone you know who enjoys comedy. And drinking. Preferably simultaneously. Lookin' forward to seeing y'all there! Yours 'til Florida learns how to vote. . . Vaya con Carne - Yer pal David P.S. If you would like to be removed from this list, please change your e-mail address. Because I don't know how to remove you from the list, that's why. And hey, this is something *YOU* want, and if you want it badly enough, you'll go ahead and do the work. That may also be linked to the fact that I will never want to see you or talk to you anymore. Well, if you want to be removed from the list, that is. It's not that I don't understand your viewpoint, it's just that I *choose* not to understand your viewpoint. Besides, my guru said that I would have to go to get my chakras realigned and have my mantra rotated more often, not to mention changing my essential oils every 3,000 karmic miles unless I could avoid negativity. And what could possibly be more negative than people who would consciously and knowingly deny *ME*? Ok, you've got a point, but from my perspective that's pretty dang negative - about as negative as it gets, darn tootin'.

 

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