Campaign season keeps rolling on and was marked last week by the first of three Presidential debates. For those who don’t know the schedule of the debates, the first debate was held at the University of Miami and dealt with Foreign Policy issues. The next debate is to be held at Washington University in St. Louis featuring a town-hall format with questions from the audience. Finally, the third debate will be held in mid October at Arizona State University and will feature the evening gown and swimsuit competitions, in which President Bush is really expected to shine. I thought the only thing missing from the first Presidential debate was bingo. Like when our court appointed President George W. Bush said, "[When Kerry keeps saying]'This is the wrong war at the wrong time at the wrong place,' the troops would wonder, 'How can I follow this guy?'" At that point John Kerry should have replied, "Bingo." And this week, Vice President Dick Cheney and Senator John Edwards met in Cleveland for the lone Vice Presidential debate. Though the issue of Cheney’s health, particularly his cold and feeble heart, didn’t come up I didn’t think it was very sportsmanlike of Senator Edwards to begin most of his answers by screaming “BOO!” Meanwhile in the capital, doctors and politicians appeared before Congress this week to tell our government that today’s children need more help staying slim. President Bush responded saying that helping kids lose weight was the main impetus behind many of his administration’s policies. “When we outsource American jobs to foreign countries, American parents lose their jobs. No job means these parents won’t be able to afford food or home videogame consoles for their kids. If they aren’t sitting on the couch, stuffing their faces and playing on the Nintendo, they’re less likely to become obese.” On that note, the lies keep rolling out of Washington D.C. The big lie this week is that Washington will finally have a baseball team, when in fact all they got was the Montreal Expos. For the first time in 18 years, Mount St. Helens erupted this past week. Scientists say there’s very little threat of the damage caused by Mount St. Helens in 1980, but wouldn’t rule out the potential for great disaster if the eruption inspires a new batch of crappy volcano movies. In a related story, two new steam vents opened in the volcano this week venting steam and spewing gasses and hot air into the atmosphere. Based on these traits along with their great potential for mass destruction, the steam vents have been nicknamed Bush and Cheney. On a final note from the world of entertainment, Paris Hilton announced that she’d like to trademark her catchphrase, "That's hot." She originally wanted to trademark her other catchphrase, "I'm a big ol' whore," but apparently, my ex already had the trademark on that one. And it’ll be mighty hot when Dr. David Robinson performs in the “Rebels of Comedy” show on Saturday October 9th at El Dorado (11777 San Vicente Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 310-207-0150) and again on Tuesday, October 12th in the “Two Drink Minimum” show at The Comedy Store’s Belly Room (8433 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA. 323-650-6268), but it will be much cooler if you’re there. See you at the shows! Vaya con Carne – Your pal David

 

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